Today I once again got to experience the wonders of the American Justice System … possibly an oxymoron … first hand. Today was the day that it was determined if my evil, dastardly self should get the proverbial chair for my horrible deeds.
No doubt you are now perched on the edge of your chair, ready to run screaming as the question: ‘What kind of blogger have I gotten myself into?” runs through your mind.
I will come clean. I am the most desperate of criminals! I … this is so difficult … well, once I … come on Steve you can do it! …
I drove on a suspended driver’s license!!!
So four months after the horrible offense, and no less than three court sessions later, today they decided if I did indeed need to spend 60 days in jail for such a vile offense.
I got to the court early, because I could not stand the suspense. My mother drove me (guess it wouldn’t do to drive myself?) to support her poor innocent baby boy who just turned 45. We sat on the comfy (if one defines comfy as makes your bum goes numb within 30 seconds) bench and waited. While we waited we got some entertainment watching the happenings around us.
Court clerks went about doing clerkly things. Court officers did their officerly duties. The various lawyers were very busy looking lawyerly and doing lawyerly things. And alleged criminals allegedly sat about. Of course my court appointed lawyer was nowhere to be seen.
The Judge came in, and after the proper obeisance from the unwashed masses began doing judgely things. They started the proceedings with the “pre-trial” cases. As far as I can determine “pre-trial” means “using as much red tape as we can to ensure this take five times longer than it actually needs to”. My understanding was that I still fell in this category. So I watched the proceedings, waiting for my turn … and my lawyer for that matter.
Names were called. Sometimes faces attached to said names were actually there. Lawyers talked to other lawyers and The Judge, explaining why the case actually needed to be postponed to another time. “Another time” was set. And my lawyer failed to appear.
I was getting antsy at this point. Primarily because the bench was so damned hard. I knew my lawyer would be there in time! And suddenly in she whisks! Looking distinctly … well … UN-lawyerly!
There she was in a bright orange blouse worthy of a beach party. Apparently very low hanging in front according to mom (I of course did not notice this). All windblown hair and wrinkled clothes as if she actually just arrived from said beach party! The look on my mother’s face basically said it all! Of course I felt better about my chances immediately!
She wandered about a bit, chatting with the D. A.’s, apparently preparing for battle. Stepped my way and quickly told me her plan of action. And then a few minutes later, my name was called. The woman definitely has timing!
She and the D. A. approached the bench and the three of them had quite the discussion. I couldn’t quite hear what was going on but got the gist of it. My lawyer was laying out my whole sad sob story. Which incidentally did not quite work the last time we were in court. The D. A. was doing his best to say … “So what? He still broke the law!” My lawyer then asked for dismissal based on my circumstances and the fact that the D. A.’s office had not actually even gotten the pertinent paperwork (from Arizona) necessary to expedite the case. Not only did The Judge dismiss the case, I think he also berated the D. A.!
The funny thing to me is that it seems the bureaucracy that got me into this mess also got me out of it. Now all I need to do is wrestle with Arizona and actually get my driver’s license back.
Once again we have proof that the cover means nothing. You really need to read the book!